Sylar Forever

Time to vent…

I hate that my life is extremely complicated. Let’s lay some basics out… I was a naive 19 year old who moved too quickly with someone. Fast forward two years and now I am stuck in an impossibly awful living arrangement and debt up to my ears. The one shining star in my life also has his own living arrangement woes, and because of the circumstances of my split with the ex, my apartment is Ground Zero.

That being said, seeing my “boo” is difficult to say the least, and its only gotten worse. Realistically, my lease forces me here (as does my debt), but I am possibly in a situation where I can make a drastic change.

If the ex coughs up the money to pay half of the electric bill (which by law has been allowed to pile up and remain on because of the beauty of winter) and I pay half, I may be able to diplomatically have another roommate take my half of the lease and cut my losses with a new apartment.

The catch, however, is my income versus the amount of money required to live there. If certain things change in my life, say, some government programs come in, I could possibly get by, and my woes would be solved. The man of my dreams could come over at any time, stress would be removed from our relationship, we could flourish.

On the other hand, I could be potentially dive bombing into a situation where the debt would resurface and I would be on my own. Right now I pay about 350$ in collective bills to cover rent, electricity and internet. There I would pay (estimated) of 450$. That’s a big leap, and one I don’t know how I would be able to cover.

I, by nature, can be a hasty person. Though rational in many aspects of my life, this is one of those fun exceptions. I know I could wait a month or two for my taxes or final word on those government programs, but then I’d lose out on the opportunity to move into an apartment with no deposit and right on campus.

Yet if I wait, I continue to put pressure on my relationship, something that’s been tugging on my mind grapes for a little while now. There’s absolutely no way to make this apartment work with my relationship, and there’s no way to make it work on his end either. Moving out seems like the solution, but at what cost?

I really do loathe this situation.